A testing week

I'm not sure what this guy plans to do with that gun, but perhaps we can figure it out by examining the clues. Hmm, I see that he has a mullet. And, he is wearing a Crimson shirt that glorifies binge drinking. Of course -- he's hunting Longhorn! Let's hope he will be shooting blanks on January 7. (Insert hackneyed Tiger Woods joke of your choice here.)

In our house, of course, we don't think brain cells are evil. In fact, we try hard to preserve them. Unlike many past weeks, Sharon's medical activities this week have focused on other areas of the body.

Tuesday's abuse was a "barium swallow." That name is deceptive because it implies that there is just one procedure. Instead, there were several. A few involved drinking gross liquids at various speeds and volumes. One involved swallowing a horse pill that tasted like chalk. Another sounded an awful lot like waterboarding.

On Wednesday, Sharon had an echocardiogram. Luckily, this test did not involve much discomfort. I asked that an extra cold scanner be used, but this request was denied. The only bad part of the test was that the technician struggled to tap into Sharon's vein for a "bubble study" where saline is sent through the heart. Sharon did not complain, however. She's a brave woman.

I am always amazed how fragile the heart looks in the pictures that an echocardiogram provides. Every time I see such images, I vow to never again eat greasy garbage like french fries. Of course, this vow is forgotten as soon as a waft of fried goodness hits my nose.

We were told that if any problems requiring immediate attention were found in either test, we would be called within a couple of days (yeah, like you, I noticed the fuzzy definition of "immediate"). No calls have been received so far, and we hope it stays that way.

Today, Sharon spent a lot of time putting ornaments on our Christmas tree and placing various other seasonal decorations around the house. Sharon is too stubborn to admit it, but I think today she was finally captured by the Christmas spirit. It's good that the echo test was done earlier in the week because Sharon's heart grew three sizes this day!